... when sperm and egg stubbornly remain apart


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Saturday, September 8, 2012

The constant battle for the ultimate state of control

“So, next time you see a pregnant woman, kick back and have a martini. With extra olives. Sashay by with the best body you can muster in the highest heels you can navigate. Wax buff with a Brazilian bikini wax. Let’s see her get into that position…”

Infertility Sucks! Keeping it all together when sperm and egg stubbornly remain apart, page 20.

I wrote that more than 10 years ago. It still helps. It’s a state of mind that says, things are broken. But I am not.

Alas, shoes and martinis and bikinis can be bought. Not so for the kind of body that one wants to sashay and display.  

It’s not just about looking good. A healthy, supple body can also be a more fertile body.

This weighty matter has been another struggle for me and many others, one that I now realize has gone on way too long — since I was a teen, always fighting to be teeny-tiny.

I have always thought that there’s no time for fussing and fighting my friend. And yet I’ve been fighting myself for years. It’s asinine and it’s over. I’m over it.

I’m having fun with it now. I find it interesting and even amusing how our environment tries to lure us into eating and drinking stuff. The way restaurants show pictures of food — pictures taken with the care of a wedding photographer; the way certain ice cream shops create a scent so pleasing as to cause passersby to salivate like Pavlov’s dog. (It’s not always only about The Beatles. Just usually.)

I have taken it upon myself to turn these ploys upside down and inside out. So, here’s an erstwhile eight-inch pizza that at one time, only briefly, had the snake-like power to tempt:



No more.

Here’s a recipe that will enable you to have your ‘za and eat it too. No guilt. Just yummy.

½ piece of Flatout Flatbread (I like the Light Italian Herb.)

Coat lightly with Walden Farms Tomato & Basil Pasta Sauce

Sprinkle with one stick or one slice of 2% cheese

Cover with six pieces of turkey sausage

Heat in microwave oven for about a minute.

Season to your liking.

Fend off the rest of the family or make enough for all.

Now, for that maritini… those olives. Oh, yeah, and the shoes. Always the shoes. 

10:04 am edt          Comments

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Of drags and dragonflies
So much change. And most all of it good. A big move has us back in our chosen home, South Florida, for the first time in eight years. Back to friends, family, food and the beach.

And for me, back to the bike. For many reasons, none of them interesting to anyone who’s not an avid biker, I was not able to ride (happily, at least) in Orlando or in Tampa.

What a huge loss. I now realize how much I’ve missed it. Sometimes, we’re so busy making do that we neglect to record our sacrifices.

Now I see, though. Biking is life for me. I love it. I love that my body can be moving me over the road while my mind is moving me where it will go. Fixing holes. Wandering. Writing.

The highlight of this morning’s ride was the dragonfly that hovered over the sidewalk in front of me as I wondered how to avoid riding into it. I slowed, slowly. And when we were close enough to touch, the dragonfly glided left, hovered higher, a show of mutual respect, insect and Homo sapien, woman and machine, the silky morning air our shared delight.

It’s moments like these that can keep me riding for 20 miles at a time, when time permits. Fourteen years ago, I was on just such a ride when my third (and last — I can take a hint) miscarriage brought me face to face with a reality that, unlike that kind and wise dragonfly, would not yield.

Pregnancy and me, childbirth and me, were not meant to be. It was a few years in the making, but I finally figured it all out, went to China and emerged beyond victorious.

It was about a decade later that I heard a doctor at a National Infertility Survival Day® event deliver a presentation on multiple miscarriages, in which she cited too much exercise as a contributing factor. Aha. 20 miles, indeed. Would have been nice to know.

If you didn’t, now you do. Dragonflies are great. Miscarriages suck. Stay active and healthy and balanced. Follow those dragonflies, but if you’re pregnant, especially if you’re considered high risk, maybe one pretty butterfly, one cute kid on a trike, should suffice. Just for a few months.

No regrets, ultimately, here. But it’s better to know. The second best part of the ride this morning? Coming home to a still-sleeping family, my daughter a cocooned, sweet and blessed being. We make room for each other on the path all the time. It is sublime.
5:49 pm edt          Comments

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Word on the web: 

"Very funny, brutally honest, on the mark and well written, Barna gave the world a gift when she wrote this book!"

"I have found this book to be very helpful in supporting and dealing with the emotions of my spouse as we go through our IVF journey. The book really helped me understand the delicate emotions of someone experiencing infertility and how comments like "relax", "stop worrying about it", etc. actually do more harm than help. As a result, I am much more supportive in this IVF cycles than I have been in other cycles because I changed the focus of my comments and have avoided saying the wrong thing." 

"I would recommend this book to anyone who is having difficulties getting pregnant, starting treatment, or have been through treatments to read this book. It really helped me. My husband and I went through 1 1/2 years of treatment before taking a break to get back our lives. When we decided to start back TTC after a year of nothing I bought this book and read it cover to cover in one day. It gave me the emotional strength to start over again. We are still in the process but whenever I feel down on myself I just pick the book up (which I keep next to my bed!) and read a few pages it helps me to focus and get my head back to being me and not about the problems! It helped me laugh at the treatments, my husband, and myself again!" 

"A truly excellent book. It is funny, sad, deep, and very touching."




Infertility Sucks! Rocks!
Thanks for visiting. Whether you're a fellow traveler on the road nobody ever wants directions to, or a witness to the human travesty that is infertility, I hope you find warmth, comfort, courage and humor on these cyber pages -- and throughout your longer journey.

All best,
Beverly Barna