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Sunday, July 1, 2012

Indignities and inadequacies

Today’s post is for those who heard the news today, oh boy. That they will be having neither a girl nor a boy — at least not yet.

I’m reading Pattie Boyd’s memoir, “Wonderful Tonight, George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and me,” and just got to the part where she’s going through IVF in the early ‘80s.

She notes the “indignities” of IVF and the pain of being the party at whom “the finger of inadequacy” points. Perhaps most evocatively, she shares:

“Each time I got as far as having an embryo implanted, I would be full of excitement and optimism, convinced that a new life was growing inside me. Then I had to face up to the fact that it had failed.” 

Well, at least she said, “it had failed.” I know that in my case, it always felt like I had failed. Not my husband, not the doctors or nurses, certainly not the embryo. Me. I had failed.

Over and over again.

And then like magic, I triumphed. Adoption adoption adoption. Salvation salvation salvation.

That was my answer. I’m not so presumptuous as to insist it’s yours. Just know that there will be an answer. The indignities are relatively fleeting, enduring them evidence of courage and determination.

The inadequacies are artificial and temporal. Our mistake is not in trying. There is no failure. Only disappointment.

Disappointment is nothing but a well we can fill with hope. Fill your well. Be well. Move forward with dignity and strength. Trust your worthiness.

All will be well. With hope. 

6:06 pm edt          Comments

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Word on the web: 

"Very funny, brutally honest, on the mark and well written, Barna gave the world a gift when she wrote this book!"

"I have found this book to be very helpful in supporting and dealing with the emotions of my spouse as we go through our IVF journey. The book really helped me understand the delicate emotions of someone experiencing infertility and how comments like "relax", "stop worrying about it", etc. actually do more harm than help. As a result, I am much more supportive in this IVF cycles than I have been in other cycles because I changed the focus of my comments and have avoided saying the wrong thing." 

"I would recommend this book to anyone who is having difficulties getting pregnant, starting treatment, or have been through treatments to read this book. It really helped me. My husband and I went through 1 1/2 years of treatment before taking a break to get back our lives. When we decided to start back TTC after a year of nothing I bought this book and read it cover to cover in one day. It gave me the emotional strength to start over again. We are still in the process but whenever I feel down on myself I just pick the book up (which I keep next to my bed!) and read a few pages it helps me to focus and get my head back to being me and not about the problems! It helped me laugh at the treatments, my husband, and myself again!" 

"A truly excellent book. It is funny, sad, deep, and very touching."




Infertility Sucks! Rocks!
Thanks for visiting. Whether you're a fellow traveler on the road nobody ever wants directions to, or a witness to the human travesty that is infertility, I hope you find warmth, comfort, courage and humor on these cyber pages -- and throughout your longer journey.

All best,
Beverly Barna