... when sperm and egg stubbornly remain apart

 

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Sunday, May 20, 2012

Edgy black jeans and edgy musings on where babies come from

I haven’t read the May 9 issue of People magazine, which features a cover story about Sandra Bullock and her life with son Louis, but I suspect I will get around to it. My focus this weekend has been on other things — costly things, like buying new jeans that fit my post-diet, maintenance-mode mood. They are, of course, black. (The jeans, not the mood.) Because I can still get away with it.

I think I managed to steer clear of Madonna-itis. Don’t get me wrong; I think La Madge should get a badge for still looking so fab. It’s just that I need to find that sweet spot between Jackie O’s cool, classic looks and today’s edgier vibe. Like me, it’s a work in progress. Like Madge, I do like to press the occasional button — say, by writing a book called Infertility Sucks! Keeping it all together when sperm and egg stubbornly remain apart.

Sandra Bullock, too, has flirted with the edgier side, in her ill-fated hook-up with what’s his name. Things apparently are better for her these days, with a beautiful baby boy in her life. (One imagines that little Louis might be a bit more grown up than that other guy at any rate.)

I have remained a silent observer to date on the issue of celebrities and adoption, for which, of course, Madonna and Sandra have both been fodder. But even those of us who are far less high profile can find ourselves ensnared if we’re not careful and thoughtful about it.

In the midst of an interview leading up to this year’s May 6 National Infertility Survival Day®, a journalist expressed to me her dismay that so many people were adopting children from overseas, rolling out the old, “There are plenty of children right here who need good homes” argument. Clearly, she had missed or forgotten the part of my story in which I adopted my daughter in China in 2001.

I won’t elaborate here on the entirety of my amazingly diplomatic and enlightening response — perhaps another time. What I will say is this:

It’s wrong to judge others for anything less than child abuse or endangerment, when it comes to families and children, mothers and kids and the choices we make as parents.

When adoption becomes a part of the family’s story, our understanding of the whys involved with how a child came to be where he or she came to be and with whom is no less rich with mystery, passion and grace than is the more familiar story of the nine-month pregnancy and the labor that was short or long, painful or breezy, a few weeks early or a few weeks late.

All I know is my baby got to me at just the right time. She gets to me still on a daily basis. That’s the way it is with our kids, so tightly do they hold us transfixed.

3:05 pm edt          Comments


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Word on the web: 

"Very funny, brutally honest, on the mark and well written, Barna gave the world a gift when she wrote this book!"

"I have found this book to be very helpful in supporting and dealing with the emotions of my spouse as we go through our IVF journey. The book really helped me understand the delicate emotions of someone experiencing infertility and how comments like "relax", "stop worrying about it", etc. actually do more harm than help. As a result, I am much more supportive in this IVF cycles than I have been in other cycles because I changed the focus of my comments and have avoided saying the wrong thing." 

"I would recommend this book to anyone who is having difficulties getting pregnant, starting treatment, or have been through treatments to read this book. It really helped me. My husband and I went through 1 1/2 years of treatment before taking a break to get back our lives. When we decided to start back TTC after a year of nothing I bought this book and read it cover to cover in one day. It gave me the emotional strength to start over again. We are still in the process but whenever I feel down on myself I just pick the book up (which I keep next to my bed!) and read a few pages it helps me to focus and get my head back to being me and not about the problems! It helped me laugh at the treatments, my husband, and myself again!" 

"A truly excellent book. It is funny, sad, deep, and very touching."

 

 


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Infertility Sucks! Rocks!
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All best,
Beverly Barna