I’m not chicken.
But when it comes to bio-baby ability, I’m an old hen. My five years of fighting
infertility are never far from my mind. Now that we’re over Friday the 13, 2012, let’s focus on what for so many
women is the real day we dread. Mother’s Day is nigh.
We don’t have to run around like chickens
sans heads. And I refuse to believe the sky is falling. That’s why in 2004 I founded National Infertility Survival Day®,
celebrated annually the first Sunday in May — the Sunday before Mother’s Day.
In the eight
years since, many people have asked me, essentially, what’s the point. Some have tried to argue that “survival”
should be reserved for those who conquer life-or-death circumstances. Not so.
For every person who
doesn’t get it, here’s the scoop: I started National Infertility Survival Day® for the women who sit crying
and praying silently in the pews on Mother’s Day, while those around them exalt the moms they wish so deeply they can
For my dear friend who recently suffered another miscarriage. For a far away colleague
and all the others who, after blissful, full-term pregnancies, had to go through labor to deliver babies that just couldn’t
make it into this world. For every woman who has lost a child they thought would be theirs in yet another way. A failed adoption.
For the e-mailer from New Zealand who’s heart pulls her toward adoption, but whose purse pulls the plug.
People, if these are not survivors, maybe I am a chicken after all.
But when I look
in the mirror, I see a survivor. A woman who wrote and published a book called Infertility Sucks, Keeping it all together
when sperm and egg stubbornly remain apart. Ten years ago, before the Internet grew up, before people were talking publicly
about infertility and adoption. Before books saying that divorce and cancer suck, which of course, they certainly do; or people
routinely fused “infertility” and “sucks” together in countless blogs. Even before Resolve, the national
infertility group, moved its annual National Infertility Awareness Week from autumn to join this new party for the previously
uncelebrated to the week before Mother’s Day.
A woman who created National Infertility Survival Day® for you.
Because you need to understand.
It’s also for the women who discover National Infertility Survival
Day® each year only after Mother’s Day festivities have already made them feel like the sole recipients of not a
dozen roses, but a dozen curses. I hope you see this in 2012 first. And carry it with you through every year.
I am still infertile. All these years later. And I also have found peace. I wish you the same. And soon.
Happy National Infertility Survival Day® to all my heroes.